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Comic Quote Blog

  Michael Mcintyre (Macintyre)
Michael Mcintyre (often mis-spelt as Michael Mcintyre) is BIG in the UK right now. The reason for his staggering rise in popularity is simple. He is incredibly funny. I am a thirty something Brit with kids so ALL his jokes really hit home. Enjoy some of his excellent work below:

“My wife and I both made a list of 5 people we could sleep with…she read hers out and there were no surprises…1 George Clooney…2 Brad Pitt etc…I thought ‘Ive got the better deal here’…1 Your sister”

“I’ve got a little baby, I made him…He doesn’t speak, he’s 2…He’s a slow learner, he’s only got 2 words…car and map…I’m slightly worried he’s trying to escape. If his next word is passport we are in serious trouble!”

“Normally you have news, weather and travel…..but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel.” Talking about the heavy snow in Britain.

“They had to ask spain I think, they’ve had to say to Spain, can you lend us some stuff for the roads, and it’s Gordon Brown phoning up going ‘pass the salt’ (says in deep voice)”

“So you’re mother? Nice to put a name to a face.” Talking about when a baby girl is born

“I’m glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean it’s not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.”

“You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote ‘I still love you, see last years card for full details’” Talking about Valentines Day

Live at the Apollo Part 1



Live at the Apollo Part 2



Live at the Apollo Part 3

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